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My name is Kiley and this is me and my thoughts. I have no more fears, this is my truth.

So recently, and I mean recently as in the last 5 days, I have been on a plan to get in athletic shape for lacrosse again. It’s my favorite sport and I’m currently getting recruited by schools for it! I’m not saying that to brag, I’m saying it because that’s what’s making me happy right now. Now more about this diet, it’s really working for me! I’m feeling healthier and more fit already, even if it’s only day 4. Of course, I also want to look skinner and prettier. I don’t want to hear any comments on how that’s the media’s expectations because I want to look that way! Anyways, I am more happy than I have been recently and I’m proud of myself. I’m beginning to let go of my hatred for a girl that I haven’t liked or been friends with in a really long time and I’m glad that it’s starting to disappear. It’s very hard for me to not like some one. I know that everyone always says that you won’t like everyone and not everyone will like you, but I genuinely dislike feeling hate or hateful feelings for someone. Unfortunately, I know that she still doesn’t like me and has pent up animosity and competitiveness built up against me, but I don’t care. I am going to do the better thing and get over it. I gave her a peace offering on valentine’s day because that day is all about love. I’m not saying that I want to be really good friends or like her, I just am sick of finding reasons to not like her. Hopefully, there will be a time when we are able to say that we are just ‘friends’ or at least, “Yeah I know her, she’s not that bad.” It will probably take a while, but that’s okay, I’m not in a rush. Even if I can’t fully start up a conversation with her, or even look in her direction without feeling self conscious, I hope that we will be able to move on because life is too short. I’m taking steps to being happier and it’s finally working!

~Some thing that I never said

There are a lot of things that I wish I could change, but I can’t. I have to get over it and move on. I wish that there could’ve been a time where we could’ve been together, but there never was. I’m not sad that it didn’t happen, but I still think about you sometimes. You live in a box in the back of my mind and I’ll keep you there for a while. I don’t know if you’ll ever be completely out of my mind, but I would be lying if I said that I wish you’d stay in my mind. I’d be lying because I wish you were out of my mind, but I don’t have the strength to delete your number because I know that even if I did, you would still talk to me. One day our time will be done, but right now it’s still a past that has remained in my mind and one that I cannot yet get over. Everytime I listen to Relient K I will still hear you singing it with me in the front seats of your car. When ever I’m laughing driving with friends, I will still think of you laughing as I told you the latest story of my life. Right now I can proudly say that I am 95% over you, but I know that there will be a 5% of me that is still dedicated to you for a little while longer. I’m not going to regret it, but I want to move past it for good. It’s been three weeks since I last talked to you and even though I have gone longer without even glancing at your picture, I’m still proud of myself for trying to bury you in my mind again. I might get to go see you soon in March, but maybe that’s not a good idea for us right now. See you around Samson.¬†

~Some thing that I never said 

So I originally made this tumblr because I wanted to anonymously vent about stuff that was going on with me without anyone knowing. I wanted to make a blog that no one that I knew could find and I didn’t want anyone else to know that it was me. I’m over that now. Starting now this blog is going to be me and I’m not going to hold back. This is my thoughts without anyone’s interference. I’m not going to be afraid if other people see it. It’s nice to meet you, my name is Kiley and these are going to be some of the things that Kiley never said.

~Sincerely Kiley